Don’t Be the Pennsylvania Poker

facebook creeping catMaybe the effects of Halloween haven’t completely worn off, but I still seem to be stuck on the topic of creepiness. Today’s subtopic? Facebook creeping.

Guys – if you’re sending Pokes to strangers on Facebook just because you think their profile picture is attractive, you’re being creepy. And if we’re going to give it the Brad test – yes it’s still creepy if your profile picture looks like Brad Pitt – because no one is going to believe that is you. Even if it is you. Sorry Brad, guess you’re stuck with Angelina.

Let’s face it, the chances that you can randomly poke a stranger on Facebook and get a positive response is probably 10,000 to one. Well, what’s the harm, right? Wrong. It’s like spam and, also like spam, you can pick up a reputation. Eventually you’ll poke girls who know each other. Yeah, they’ll talk. You’re name will be added to “the list”.

It’s easy to think of a poke as giving a girl a friendly smile at a bar but nothing could be further from the truth. Social media is many things, but an equal substitute for physical human interactions it is not. If you wanna poke a stranger with the hopes of gittin’ sum, stick to the dating sites, where you’re expected to be looking for a date.

Another similar creepy activity is Liking every post and comment a woman makes. Sorry, but no one, myself included, deserves to have every post and every comment liked. You’re not being subtle. It’s clear to every single person on Facebook that your desperate and creepy. You’re not a puppy. Puppies can like everything you do – you’re a god to them. Don’t be a puppy. If a girl wants a puppy she’ll go to the shelter or call up her ex from high school.

But how do you meet someone new on Facebook? You’ve heard it happens to other people. Why can’t it happen to you?

It can. I’ve dated women I met initially on Facebook. It takes time, though. Whether you’re in a common Facebook group, commenting on some of the same pages regularly, or maybe you’ve already become Facebook friends because of a shared acquaintance, just take the time to get to know her – note the tone of her posts and her interests and let her do the same with you. It can happen, but it will happen when you become real people to each other and not just a profile pic of someone who vaguely looks like you.

Until you go beyond the profile pic and can relate to each other as actual people, you’re just going to be the creepy guy. Don’t be the creepy guy.

2 thoughts on “Don’t Be the Pennsylvania Poker

  • January 13, 2015 at 12:58 am

    I get poked often and dozens of times a week by women I do not know, have never met, and I do not think twice of it.. It is Facebook.. Sometimes I think it is overlooked how creepy the other sex can be, and I can tell stories, but I take it all with a grain of salt… people need to lighten up.. It is Facebook for the love… it has become another dating site in its own right, so when you walk through that Facebook door, know that you can be poked without your permission lol. Kind of like a social dance club! It is all in fun, if you think a person is creepy or over the top, you can do a few things, message them, ignore the poke, or block them. pretty simply stuff.. or if you want, you can appreciate someone’s interest in you, and if you like them or are interested in them, poke them back.. I have met a few people, well, a lot I have “poked”, or have been poked by.. It is a matter of personal preference on whether or not you want to be poked, like poking someone else, or need protection before you go out on a poking rampage..

    • January 13, 2015 at 2:10 am

      Thanks for the feedback! Seeing as we’re in that middle-aged, unmarried, segment of life in the den of dating, aka Charleston, I don’t think our circle is representative of Facebook, at large. There are large quantities of folks in relationships or not looking for relationships to whom a poke from a stranger is not looked upon so kindly. I think the original intent of the poke – to maybe see if you knew someone – has long since passed. It really has become a “Hey I think you’re hot” from a complete stranger and, while I’m sure there are women that do it, I think the numbers of creepy pokes by guys far out-weighs them.
      If you’re playing a numbers game, I think the poker will strike out a lot more often than they’ll be successful and I wonder what the reputation cost becomes. I also want to avoid the blaming the victim of, “if you don’t like it you shouldn’t be on Facebook.” At some point we have to stand up and say, just because lots of people aren’t doing it doesn’t make it right.
      That said, I also wouldn’t want Facebook to change their ToS or (gasp!) the government to get involved to try to outlaw poking. Let’s use our social pressure to stamp out creepy behavior.


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